i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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