i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
