i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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