Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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