Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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