I think I am morally bankrupt
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
