So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What a dumb baby whore.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
