Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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