the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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