whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
