Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
