I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
