I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
