you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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