just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
