Someone shit on the floor
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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