Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
