...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
