a queef is a wish your heart makes.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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