Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
