I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
