I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
