Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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