We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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