dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
