you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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