He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
