Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
