Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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