my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
