i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
