Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
