My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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