in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
