I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
