im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
