In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
