How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
