look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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