Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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