Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
