her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
