Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Randomize
