Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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