you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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