"it" just moved
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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