My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
