Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
