I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
