and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
