She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
