and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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